Miss Apogaea Beauty Pageant Wants You!!!

You are exceptionally special, an untamed beast, a delicate flower in the wilderness, a precious one-of-a-kind snowflake, a diamond in the rough, a unique and rare individual, the one and only.

You’re a bit of a show-off, possibly even a natural exhibitionist. . . or maybe you’re a mite shy and it takes a little fermented agave nectar to start your engine.

You have special talents, skills or endowments. . . your cheerleading routine wins the game, you have exquisite taste in undergarments, your stupid monkey tricks never cease to amaze, people throw dead presidents at you when you shake your money maker, you recite surrealist poetry for world peace, your kung fu cannot be beat, your shadow show is not for kids, you have highly developed superpowers, your warble enchants the other songbirds, you scream the Viking battle cry, you are the master of puppets, you school us about the birds and bees, you can tie it in a knot, you can twirl them in opposite directions, you set your salami on fire. . .

You are the brightly shining star of our glorious constellation.

So quit your masturbating, get off the babysitter, work it out with your parole officer and SIGN YOUR HOT ASS UP for the Miss Apogaea beauty pageant already. We want you. We need you. We love you. We cannot resist your stare. WTF are you waiting for?? DO IT NOW!!!!

P.S. Eternal glory, remarkable prizes, hot dates, lucrative career opportunities & celebrity endorsements can all be yours. Act now. Limited time offer. One per customer please. Safety first. Never more than three on a bike. It’s all fun and even better after you lose your mind.

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The pageant will be held on the main stage of Apogaea at Happy Ass Ranch west of Colorado Springs. For general festival info, visit www.apogaea.com

For more info and to register your sexy self as a contestant, think what talents you may want to exhibit and contact the Master of Ceremonies, the Reverend Sheriff Tommy Tommy Tommy: erosphil (at) yahoo (dot) com

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